Maybe it’s an elderly relative that needs a little assistance to get through the day, or your grandchildren need to be taken care of so your daughter can go back to work. It could be that your grown up children are wanting to save for a deposit for their own home, or you have a big family and love the idea of being close.

There are plenty of reasons why you might consider having multiple family members all living under the same roof, and it can seem like a great idea in theory- you can help each other, share expenses, and get ahead. However the reality is that it isn’t always the happy and carefree existence you imaged, we each come with our own set of ideas about how things should be, we all interpret situations differently, and conflicts can arise despite our best intentions.

Different recharge styles

Did you know that extroverts get an energy boost from interacting with other people- talking, going out, being together. On the other hand introverts feel drained after socialising and need some quiet time along to recharge their batteries.

When you have people living together with different personality types, frustrations can occur. An extrovert may not understand why an introvert wants to lock themselves in their room, when they want to talk about their day and eat a meal together. On the other foot, an introvert might not understand why an extrovert is always trying to make them go out and do things instead of just being able to relax at home at the end of a big day.

Being in each others space means there is less privacy and more involvement in each others lives, and relationships can be strained when you can’t get the space you need or are clashing with someone else’s wants or needs.

Different expectations

Especially with family, it can be easy to fall into old patterns. The grandmother who is used to taking care of herself gets cranky over being fussed over or made to feel incompetent by a well meaning carer. The adult kids who are used to parents cooking meals when they visit, but this becomes an issue when living together and the workload isn’t being shared. The person who likes things tidied up straight away and clutter free vs. the carefree gypsy who doesn’t mind mess and does things on her own time.

Power imbalances

The feeling of power can come from contributing more financially, doing more manual labour such as yard work, cleaning, home maintenance, cooking, being more of an authority figure such as a parent etc.

It’s not necessarily the case that any of these factors should sway the balance of power to the person who does/contributes more, but it is instead the perception of power imbalance that can cause problems.

It is a sense that one person has more influence in terms of opinions being worth more, needs being a priority over others needs, being the one with the right to make decisions, and in a sense dictating the rules that others need to follow.

One example is a son that may work full time and pay most of the bills, do the majority of the housework at home, as well as care for a parent. You would think all of this would put him in a position of power, but it all depends on how he (and his parent) interpret the situation.

If he doesn’t perceive it as being so- for example he feels his parent worked hard and sacrificed their whole life for him, and what he’s doing is really the least he could do- and his parent feels they are deserving of such treatment, then in fact the power balance can swing towards that parent.

You can’t control how others think, and some people need to feel a sense of control more than others, but clashes can occur when two people with a high need for control butt heads.

Of course there are many happy stories of extended families all coexisting well, and a lot of benefits that can come from having the support of family that are in close proximity- more hands make light work after all.

If you have concerns about personalities clashing but would like the benefits that come from multifamily dwellings, why not consider a single property that has two seperate living spaces under the same roof like a dual key home?

Each space is completely self contained, so you have total privacy but are only steps away to help if the need arises.